A Broken Record Running Low On Luck

     So, I've typed about twelve different opening statements for this post, erased them all, and just decided to write about how I did that and use that for my first thought instead. Obviously, since it's being read now. Along with the other troubles I seem to be having, the ability to write anything, or really put two logical words in order when I speak, lately. Overall, my brain seems to just be wearing out on me, and I have no clue why. Could be my lack of any sort of sleeping pattern (besides of course sleep then wake up), or maybe it's my total lack of (romantic) human connection, but all I know is that I feel like I'm running on empty, like I'm getting no fulfillment out of anything I do anymore. I just pour energy that I don't have into work and music and I feel like a husk at the end of the day. Even thought I love music and my job both, I wonder why I do it. Why do I sit around playing music with my friends? Why do I work a job that keeps me up at ridiculous hours? I feel compelled to, and I need to fix these things. I need to fix a lot of things.

     As of like 12 minutes ago, I’ve decided I'm shutting down all of my dating profiles, and if I ever reactivate them, it won't be for a very long time. I think they're a pretty big factor in the way I've been feeling lately. I feel like they're really bringing me down all the time, like it's a constant reminder that I'm looking for someone, and that's not something I want/need because I’m perfectly aware of it already. I'd love to seriously start dating someone, but I feel like at this point in my life it's just not realistic. I've got so much going on all the time that I'm not sure if I'd have enough time to dedicate to someone. Although, I'm pretty sure if I found someone worthwhile I'd find time for her, but that's probably a given. However, with my current car situation, meeting any of these girls currently would be basically impossible anyway. Besides the fact it's not working properly at the moment, the last thing I want anyone to see, let alone a woman I was interested in dating, is me trying to look suave while exiting my car via the passenger side door. I could be looking super fine in some sort of tailored slim fit suit (that I don't own) and have my hair done perfectly, and that rolling shit-box would pretty quickly have them getting "emergency calls" that'd require them to leave. That doesn't exactly add to my already lacking alpha-male status. Looking at the 2013 Dodge Dart right now, should be a good replacement vehicle for the ol' Bonneville. I've had that car since I was 17, and it's usually been great to me, but it's almost 14 years old and it's earned its rest. I'm probably going to end up scrapping it soon, which will be a very sad day for me. Especially since I already have to take my cat to a shelter this week since I can't keep her at my father's anymore. I'll be loosing quite a bit all at once, but that’s the breaks, I s’pose.

::siiiiiiiiigh::,
-Wander_lustrious Sixteh-Fo

Complacentastic!!!!1

Things have been quite busy for me (musically) lately! It’s good to have something to keep myself occupied with when I’m off of work even thought music is starting to feel like a second full time job (that I love). Recently we played and NIU battle of the bands that was a hell of a lot of fun (and that we won), and just last night we played a show in Chicago. There wasn’t much of a crowd, but the few that were there, including the other bands, really seemed to dig our set. I was surprised they liked us, seeing as the other two bands was this 80’s hair metal-ish kind of band and the second one being a slow, heavy, metal group. The second group was a band called Violent Faith, based out of Michigan, and let me tell you, these guys ruled. On top of playing an awesome show, they’re just a bunch of awesome guys.  They even had my band pose with theirs for some pictures under the venue sign, and that was totally killer. I hope we run into these fellas again someday; I have a feeling we’d tear up whatever city we were in. One thing violent faith said to us is that apparently our sound (which I’m still trying to figure out exactly what to classify it as (alt. rock? Mehhr)) is very well suited to the area where they’re from, so we may just have to look at playing some shows in Michigan! We just played our first show outside of De Kalb, so why not make it out of state next? Most excellent. We sure have a lot more work to do before any of that happens though. We’ve been making some excellent headway, but there’s still a lot of work to be done.

      I’ve been thinking more and more about living in the city, and last night’s show didn’t help dissuade me of such an idea. I really feel like I belong every time I stop by to visit. One good point my drummer, Phil, brought up, was “Man, I couldn’t live in this city; I’d fall in love every five seconds.” He makes a valid point, there; Chicago does seem to have just copious amounts of beautiful women, just…everywhere. Seeing all of these ladies everywhere, plus an earlier conversation with Phil, made me realize that I’ve been single coming up on a year and a half now. Looks weird to me, actually written out with the time it’s been since I had any sort of substantial relationship. And even then, the last one I had turned into a nightmare. As much as I’ve enjoyed being single for as long as I have been, I’m starting to get a bit complacent with it. Turns out being unattached and being alone are two very different things, as soon as you realize the connotations of both. I have grown a little tired of sharing my big, dumbass bed with only my laptop and the mounds of oversized pillows I sleep with under my arm. I’ve got female friends, but I can’t really just have them sleep over, cuddle, hold hands, and all that other stuff. Ugh. Maybe once I start hitting the gym hardcore again and focus even more on music, I won’t be thinking about all this junk so much. At least that’s what I’ll tell myself for now. Plus, the gym and music focus are just things I need to do anyway. Picking up some overtime would be nice, too, but what can you do.

Shredz,

Wander_Lust