A Broken Record Running Low On Luck

     So, I've typed about twelve different opening statements for this post, erased them all, and just decided to write about how I did that and use that for my first thought instead. Obviously, since it's being read now. Along with the other troubles I seem to be having, the ability to write anything, or really put two logical words in order when I speak, lately. Overall, my brain seems to just be wearing out on me, and I have no clue why. Could be my lack of any sort of sleeping pattern (besides of course sleep then wake up), or maybe it's my total lack of (romantic) human connection, but all I know is that I feel like I'm running on empty, like I'm getting no fulfillment out of anything I do anymore. I just pour energy that I don't have into work and music and I feel like a husk at the end of the day. Even thought I love music and my job both, I wonder why I do it. Why do I sit around playing music with my friends? Why do I work a job that keeps me up at ridiculous hours? I feel compelled to, and I need to fix these things. I need to fix a lot of things.

     As of like 12 minutes ago, I’ve decided I'm shutting down all of my dating profiles, and if I ever reactivate them, it won't be for a very long time. I think they're a pretty big factor in the way I've been feeling lately. I feel like they're really bringing me down all the time, like it's a constant reminder that I'm looking for someone, and that's not something I want/need because I’m perfectly aware of it already. I'd love to seriously start dating someone, but I feel like at this point in my life it's just not realistic. I've got so much going on all the time that I'm not sure if I'd have enough time to dedicate to someone. Although, I'm pretty sure if I found someone worthwhile I'd find time for her, but that's probably a given. However, with my current car situation, meeting any of these girls currently would be basically impossible anyway. Besides the fact it's not working properly at the moment, the last thing I want anyone to see, let alone a woman I was interested in dating, is me trying to look suave while exiting my car via the passenger side door. I could be looking super fine in some sort of tailored slim fit suit (that I don't own) and have my hair done perfectly, and that rolling shit-box would pretty quickly have them getting "emergency calls" that'd require them to leave. That doesn't exactly add to my already lacking alpha-male status. Looking at the 2013 Dodge Dart right now, should be a good replacement vehicle for the ol' Bonneville. I've had that car since I was 17, and it's usually been great to me, but it's almost 14 years old and it's earned its rest. I'm probably going to end up scrapping it soon, which will be a very sad day for me. Especially since I already have to take my cat to a shelter this week since I can't keep her at my father's anymore. I'll be loosing quite a bit all at once, but that’s the breaks, I s’pose.

::siiiiiiiiigh::,
-Wander_lustrious Sixteh-Fo