Ain't Nobody Got Time Fo Dat

     Ok, so last night my band played a pretty decent show I think, just based off of crowd reaction alone. I've played plenty of shows before, but this was some of the best crowd reaction I've seen in thus far. Second only to my old band that was beginning to turn toward the post hardcore genre. Luckily, I made sure the performance was recorded by the sound guy, so now we have a physical copy of an hour's worth of material. The show was burned onto a DVD, and he saved each mic channel as a WAV file that we can mix ourselves with any music editing software. Basically, this means that we can take the best sounding songs, master them, and BAM, demo. I haven't been able to listen to the songs all the way through yet but from what I've heard of it so far, we should be able to use some tracks to either put onto a CD, or use as a demo to provide larger venues with so we can play in places other than DeKalb. One of the really nice things about last night is that we could all hear each other on stage, and for once I could actually hear myself, which I can assure you is rarely the case at the House Cafe.

     Another interesting detail is that I had some female company. There's a girl I work with that I've been talking/flirting with basically every time I see her, and I actually worked up the nerve to give her my number. We started texting and established that there was indeed a mutual attraction going on (WOOOO!) She suggested we go together, so I figured my show would be the perfect place since it was a day away (at that point). Basically, she didn't say much the entire night unless spoken to first, which really kind of bugs me. I mean, we were there, trying to establish some kind of connection, and maybe see what could happen because of it, but she was putting in zero effort it seemed. I'm pretty sure she's just a naturally shy/nervous person, which I think had basically 100% to do with it, but really, I can't be with someone like that. She's never shy or quiet at work. I'd probably be more sympathetic towards it a few years ago, but now...Just tired of it I guess. I'm too old to be dealing with he whole 'beating around the bush" thing. The general silence did however give me plenty of time to realize that she and I...don't really have much in common at all.  Made me kind of wonder why I had the attraction in the first place? I think what tends to happen lately is that I see a woman that I can easily talk to and get along with and I'm just like "man, I wonder if this could go anywhere." Not exactly the best mindset to haven, especially so quickly. I guess I can attribute that to me being single for so long, that being NOT single is just kind of on the brain all the damn time. It gets a bit frustrating sometimes, constantly looking at almost every single girl I know or encounter as a dating prospect, especially since it's a total knee-jerk reaction that has no weight or merit, basically ever. At least I can take some comfort in knowing that I'm not desperately trying to peruse them. Sometimes, I'll get vibes however that I should ask some ladies for their numbers. Usually, I need to tell those vibes to fuck off, because they're just, totally, super false. For example:

     One night my buddy Ryan and I are out on the town, drinking our dranks, smokin' our cigs, and just generally being cool, collected, owning whatever joint him and I decided to step into. So, we get an invite to a party while we're out that is supposed to contain a bunch of ladies, drinks, and general good times.
     "Gee," I think to myself. I like the ladies. Scratch that, I love the ladies." so my buddy and I go to this party, and as promised there's a decent male/female ratio. I'm wearing my nice jeans, nice shoes, and my most fresh metal T, so basically I'm looking ok. I start talking to this girl (her name eludes me) for about an hour. Just about random things that we're into, that kinda stuff. She mentions a band we both like and playing at a local venue a few weeks from then and we both kind of elude to each other that maybe it wouldn't be such an insane idea to go together. Another half hour passes, and she was getting ready to leave, so I asked for her number, so we could possibly meet or up grab coffee at some point. She just kind of looked at me and gave me a really demeaning laugh and said "uh, hah, ok, I guess." She gave it to me, and I didn't even bother saving it. It was pretty obvious then that her whole attitude changed as soon as I asked  for her number, and she clearly gave to me out of...well, that part I’m not sure of why, but she did, but it was very clear she wasn't comfortable with it. I'd have rather her just told me no. I can handle that, no problem. Just don't make me feel like shit for asking you for it when it seemed like we were having a great time talking and might have gone to a damn show together. I guess my biggest concern with this situation is that my gut feelings about something usually don't steer me wrong. I wonder what signal she was sending me that I just didn't get when we were talking that would have caused me to realize she was just talking for the sake of it. I never exactly had an edge, or any real particular Suaviness®, but I seem to have lost whatever I used to posses. It's a hell of a thing, I guess. I have to re-learn everything that I used to know about how to read and conversate with women. Maybe gain a little confidence so I don't subconsciously imagine what it might be like to gain every darn woman's affection, because I don't want to. Ain't nobody got time fo dat.

Lookin' for answers,
-Wander_lust64